I decided to change my life forever.
I would like to be chirpy and happy with this post. I would like to focus on all the wonderful things that have happened to me as a result of getting this surgery. I can't. Today I feel like I have failed. I know I should not compare myself to others, but as far as other people I have seen, I am a failure. I worried this would happen. I worried that this was not my last stop. I kind of feel like I went through all the above and a recovery that was HORRIBLE just to lose 70 pounds. 70 pouds is great, but when you are as fat as me, 70 pounds is not a lot. I did have a moment today when I was out shopping for my friend's Bridal Shower I am throwing on Friday and I did realize that one year ago I would not have been able to walk around. I do see the good. I do enjoy the moments that I have been blessed with. I don't understand why today, of all days I am not able to focus on that part of this journey. All I see is a girl who is less fat and who needs MORe surgery to keep going. Wow. Debbie Downer today or what? I am grateful for this surgery. I am grateful for my blessings. I just with I could tap in to that tonight. I thought at that moment, one year ago, by this time I would be "normal." I would have been able to be pretty in the eyes of others, shop in a regular store, sleep mostly in a bed. I told myself that this would be the only time I would have to do something this drastic in order to get the help I need. One year later and I am looking at more surgery. Still stuck, but my quality of life has improved DRASTICALLY. I MUST CONCENTRATE ON THAT PART! Sorry for this unpleasant, poor me post. I guess I just needed to get it out of my system.
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