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Wednesday, March 30, 2011

My update

This is for the hundreds of people who e-mail asking about me. First, I am soooo sorry I only can have 100 invites to the private site per blogger. I am making this un-private for a small time so I can update everyone. I can never express how much it means to me that perfect strangers care about me! What a joy and a blessing. All your words, prayers and concerns have warmed my heart. I love knowing that there are good people out there especially after being cyber bullied. I have a renewed faith in people. :)

Reminder.. I did NOT have the bypass or the band. I had the VSG. My update: I can now go potty by myself. lol I can get out of a chair by myself, but after a while it hurts to much to keep going. I am still in lots of pain, but it is getting a little better each day. I am on 2-3oz of broth and/or liquid protein only for the next month. I am supposed to drink about 60oz of water per day but that is very hard right now because I can only take small sips every 10 minutes or so. I was in the hospital for two nights and 3 days. I have been trapped at home since I left the hosp. I am stir crazy. My days consist of taking meds, vitamins, walking laps around my kitchen and resting. I feel useless. I am VERY sad and resentful that I cant eat. It hurts to watch my family eat around me. I have to stress that this is a huge life change and should not be done to your body for vanity purposes. I would NOT have done this if I and my dr/s didn't feel like my life was in danger. If you can walk, don't have heart problems etc, PLEASE try to commit yourself to a healthy life change without surgery or doing something to your body you can never take back. I was able to stay on a 1200 calorie diet for quite some time leading up to this surgery so I know it is possible, but the decision I made was for my life only. For those who say you are not hungry after surgery, don't count on that being true for everyone. I am starving. I cry for food. This is going to be a HARD journey. One I may hate most of the time. I wish I could share this with everyone, but I can't deal with bullying during such a hard time in my life. I appreciate everyone sooooo much for asking about me and hope to make this public again in the future when I feel it is safe to talk about my life without hate and ugliness being thrown my way. Again, I am NOT an expert on surgery and don't recommend it to others. I do recommend that everyone ask their dr. before doing ANY WL program in order to make an informed decision. I did this and moved forward the way I thought was best. I pray I made the right choice. Only time will tell.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011


I am under 300 lbs. 297 as of last night. I did have a break down last night. I am mourning food. I am resentful of people who get to eat. :) I hope this passes.

Monday, March 28, 2011

better? Yes. Easier? NO

I am still in pain, but the pain is a little less. I can now go to the bathroom on my own which helps. The hunger is NOT gone. I read about most people who dont have any desire to eat. That is NOT me. I am starving. Smelling the food my family is eating is torture. Every food commercial is like stabbing me. Today I need to start calcium, B12 and a chewable multi with Iron. For the next month I get to eat 2oz of chicken and beef broth and some oz of protien drinks. so far I can only get it 4 oz per day. I need to drink at least 60 oz of water, but am only taking in about 20 now. I get more and more per day. So far, still regretting it, but I have seen some weight loss now. Maybe the more I see that, the less I will hate life. lol

Friday, March 25, 2011

still hangin on

in lots of pain. not able to do anything een going to the bathroom or sitting up. cant really post yet. thx for the well wishes.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

hating life

in so much pain, sick to stomach, had to have eric help me wipe today. first day home. i hope this gets better.

Monday, March 21, 2011


This is Lisa's husband, Eric. She is doing well after the surgery. The surgery went well and they were even able to take some pictures that she will upload when she leaves the hospital. She is in pain right now because her body is adjusting to the change, but she is in good spirits. :)

Sunday, March 20, 2011


Does anyone know how to block people from being able to right click andsave pics you post on your blog? I know there is a way, but don't know how... Thanks.

Have to share this good meal!

This is something I ate last week that was on plan for the "food" part of the liquid diet...

Turkey stroganoff

1 lb ground turkey (can use groud beef)
2 cans NO SALT diced tomatoes (drain water)
2 cans tomato sauce
1 cup reduced fat sour cream
2 tablespoons of mustard

cook turkey in pan, when done add all other ingredients, cook on low for 10 minutes, let stand to thicken. Serve over brown rice. (We used to eat it over egg noodles)

For me, instead of brown rice I used chopped up cauliflower. It looked and tasted like rice! :) Make sure when you cook the cauliflower you don't over cook or it will not chop right. The kids and husband LOVED it and did not notice the tomatoes. I got to enjoy the same meal but VERY low cal. About 280 calories I had one cup of stroganoff with two cups of cauliflower. Enjoy!

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Getting so close?

Can you feel it! It's almost here! Over two years of thinking about it and now tomorrow is the last night I will have a stomach. Freaky! My next post will be after surgery, God willing! Please pray for me!!! Thanks so much for your support! I will be posting pics from the hospital.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011


I received hundreds of e-mails from people asking for an invite and I feel sooooo bad that blogger only lets you have 100 people. I want to see who is here so if there are people that were invited but are not accepting I can delete them and add others. The "still pending" part is showing people that I already know who are here so I don't want to delete someone it says is not accepting if they are really here. Make sense? lol Thanks!


I saw the number I have been waiting for this morning. 310. I have lost 50 pounds in 5 months and 3 weeks. ON MY OWN, without surgery. :) I am proud today. Could I keep going without surgery? Yes. I feel confident. Will I keep going without surgery? NO. I need that tool to take me to goal. Somewhere I have never been. I intend on living a life I have never known. But, no one can take this victory from me! No stalker, no "diet" expert, no one. Today is my day. :)

soooooo... no surgery tomorrow...

I did not stop my blood thinner as soon as I needed too so when I realized that I called my WLS office and they said no surgery until I have been off the meds for 10 days. Ten days exactly is Monday. THIS monday. WHICH also happens to be my sweet, perfect, wonderful Grammie's bday. some of you may know how I feel about her. she is the true love of my life. I am hoping that she gives me a little help on her special day. I miss her so much. It feels like yesterday that she passed and it has been almost 4 years. It was shocking to read Mondays date and realize what day it is. Things have a great way of working out. I am also able to eat more. I told my dr/s office about my struggles and the nurse said I can eat whatever I want as long as I stay under 1200 calories. I am staying under 1000 and only eating healthy. I am tracking my food on Sparkpeople so I can print it and give it to her. I feel soooooo much better! So glad to move forward with everything...

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Almost there

It takes a while to weed through people for invites. The big updates are coming...

Monday, March 14, 2011

Two more days. :(

Worry is setting in. Sickness. An overwhelming anxiety. :( I will never be able to eat like a normal person again. Some of the same reasons I chose this surgery are some of the same reasons why I am so sad. With no stomach pouch, your chance of gaining all the weight back are slim. With that said, the ability to eat a normal sized meal is also gone. I admit I am mourning food. My good friend. The same friend who wishes to kill me. I will always be that person at the table who is finished after two bites. Always "the girl who had that surgery." I pray that the thing I am using to extend my life is not the thing that kills me. I want to be here for my kids and husband. I want to know life in a way I never have before. Please pray for me.
Please e-mail me your blog info and contact e-mail (inweighovermyhead@yahoo.com)if you want an invite to this site. I am making it private. Sadly, I have to look in to each person VERY carefully in order to protect my privacy and if I feel I do not "know" you well enough, I will not be able to extend an invitation. :(
I appreciate the support you all have given me. I know some say that by closing up shop for a while I have let him win. So be it. I am not here to battle or fight for anything other than my life. I don't want to win. All I have ever wanted by blogging was to show others out there about the sickness of my food addiction. Honest, open and real. I have never talked about other bloggers or posted about anyone but myself. I intend to keep it this way and have let the bullying and harassment get to my heart. Now, I want to re-focus on this weight loss battle and continue to support others doing the same. I have bigger fish to fry and the most pressing is a very real battle for my life. My mom is flying out tomorrow to help and by this time on Wed, I will be under the knife. God help me.