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Thursday, March 8, 2012

Do you ever feel bogged down by reading weight loss blogs???

I read so many blogs where you see people OVER AND OVER again slipping back in to their addictions. It's actually hard to watch. I feel kind of depressed. Some people I have been reading for years and yet it never changes. (like with me) I think the only difference is that I admit it and TRY not to give excuses. It seems to me that the obsession with food goes far beyond food itself. It's the obsession with the "new plan" or "trying it this way" OVER AND OVER. IT never stops. the new goal, the new program, starting again today type thing. Do you really need to analyze yourself and make up new reasons why you eat every day of your life? do you really need to start something new the next day? Do you really need to say "I had a bad day but I'll get back on the horse tomorrow" for the 100th time in a year? OR do you admit you have a food addiction? Do you throw your hands up and say, I am not in control and food has taken over every moment of my life?! It's so hard to keep leaving supportive comments over and over again when I see the truth as too what is really going on. On the other hand, I do NOT believe in being mean or rude. So, I shut down. I stop commenting. It really doesn't matter what any of us say if the person doesn't want to see it. I see myself as an addict. I obsess over dieting as much as I do over food. I am thinking about what life would be like as a skinny person daily. I am always looking down the road. I am tired of this fight, yet I have no choice. Along with the therapist, nutritionist, working out and the dr., I decided to go back to OA. I contacted the group. I am going to try it out on Saturday. My main focus is addressing the addiction. I felt "cured" for a while because for a few months after surgery I had no desire to eat. I was free fort he first time in my life from all the obsessive thoughts. Now that the swelling has gone down and the novelty wore off, my mind is once again consumed and when I read other weight loss blogs who are filled with other addicts trying to rationalize why they are doing what they are doing, it is just a brick to my face reminder of how far I still have to go. I just don't have it in me anymore to keep supporting the lie. I have no idea what the point to this post is, but all I know is that I need to focus on my OWN journey. I need to stop reading certain blogs that make me sad. I want to be supportive, but I feel that I can't be authentic until I myself am in control of my addiction. I am also going to clean my blogroll. I have some one there that don't post much or don't read my blog and i want to be able to concentrate on supporting those who are supporting me instead of trying to spread myself too thin. If you want to be on my blogroll, please let me know. Thank you so much for all the support. Thank you for listening. Thank you for understanding that I am a woman who is addicted to food and although I have sometimes months of great times, I will always come to a point where I have to put up the good fight again. That part will never change. I am an addict. I always will be. ETA: I know your support and comments have helped me so much through all my stages. I want to be able to do the same for others with a whole heart. I just hurt for them so much which makes me hurt extra. Maybe I am too raw right now to help others. Maybe I am not qualified to offer support since I can't get a hold of myself. I don't really have anything supportive to give to an addict who can't help themselves and I will NEVER stoop to the level of being mean so the old saying goes... if you have nothing nice to say... :) I feel the same way about myself. I would like to beat myself over the head with a bat and stop obsessing over food. not going to work. The negative self talk doesn't work either. The only thing I can do is force myself to move forward with the best intentions. To keep pushing. To not give up. That is all any of us can do. Thanks again all.

20 comments:

Lap Band Gal said...

I don't make excuses either. :)

I would love to be on your blogroll. thanks!
lapbandgalsjourney.blogspot.com

Heather said...

Would that be "blogged" down? teehee!

Laryssa said...

I guess I look at it this way: if the person admits and acknowledges that they have a problem and doesn't lie about their weight or what they're doing, support can go a long way. Even if it's just to say that you understand what they are going through and you pray they can come out of it or get the help they need. It's a virtual hand-holding of sorts that sometimes can make a huge impact.

On the other hand, support doesn't mean telling a person "it's okay, don't worry about it" or "you're stupid" after they've admitted to eating an entire pizza pie because work was stressful or they were upset with their spouse. Encouraging poor eating or being disrespectful and mean can actually push a person deeper into the hole.

Like you said, some people have an addiction to food and until they admit that to themselves, no matter what you say to them, they will not change. You've acknowledged it and you've sought help. It shows in your posts how much the support from other bloggers helped you.

Keep being honest because I bet it's helping a lot of people going through similar emotions as you.

Christine said...

I think that is normal. soul suckers eat you alive and sometimes they don't even realize theya re doing it...it's awful. People do it with all aspects of their lives. Sometimes you have to cut yourself off, and sometimes it's better to dive in where you think you can make a difference. Do what you need to do to be healthy lisa. That is always what I advocate.

Kelly said...

I'd like to still be on your blog roll!

♫ Drazil ♪ said...

You always continue to inspire me.

Lori said...

I have felt the same way. I can see the rationalization going on with folks and want to gently point it out, but I'm no good at that so I don't comment at all.

I think sometimes we're just blind to the lies we tell ourselves and we need someone to point that out to us in a kind way. Someone with credibility.

You have my permission to comment on my blog and point out any lies you see I'm telling myself. I need all the help I can get, and I feel like I know you well enough to know that you won't be cruel.

Good luck with the OA. You've been through enough. I hope you find success soon.
Lori

Karla said...

I read you all the time, I know my blog may not be what you need to read since I post my food and where your head is at this may not be what you need right now. Do what is right for you sweet lady :)

tz said...

your comment, "if you can't say something nice, don't say it at all" made me realize, that yes, I feel that same way...unless it's talking to myself -- then it's a sh*t storm of negative talk. I wonder why we can be nice to others and not to ourselves?

OA is such a great program, I wish you much luck.

I think your blog is inspirational. I like your honesty about this very difficult struggle.

Lyn said...

You know I am always rooting for you.

I feel a lot of compassion when I read blogs of people who are trying to change their lives. Whatever stage someone is in, they are reaching out to share that and I don't judge. But I know not everyone wants to read about someone who is not making the scale move, and that's okay too. I just hope people maintain kindness and compassion for each other.

Me said...

Half of all weight loss bloggers weigh more than they did a year ago, so it's not surprising that some are having problems. I think however the issue is looking after yourself, which may mean having to stop reading blogs where people are just spinning their wheels, but nothing else is happening.

If Only She Were Thinner said...

I would love to be on your blog roll. I can completely relate many of your postings and wanting to keep focused on your own journey.

The Lovely One said...

My blog has very little to do with weight loss, but you can always have me on your blogroll! I think your ETA gave good advice-- the only thing you can do is keep trying and keep moving forward. Keep at it!

Sheila said...

I think cleaning out your blog role is a very good idea (for all of us!!) because sometimes we *think* we are going to connect with someone and it turns out we don't have much in common. I would like to still support you Lisa and I'm always rooting for you! I think everyone needs to address their own demons in their own way. I'm very much a live and let live type of person. Hugs, I hope the OA meeting goes well today. Please share how it goes.

Linda Sherwood said...

It's great that you are recognizing what you need to do. I hope OA went well for you. I'd love to be on your blogroll.

Linda Pressman said...

I'm not on your blog roll but I've got a few weight loss bloggers on my blog roll and I think that's how I found yours. Nearly 12 years ago I walked into an OA meeting so, as a food addict in recovery, I can relate to your post. All you need to have OA "work" for you is that feeling of surrender that you describe so perfectly. Understanding that you can't do it but another source CAN and WILL is truly an amazing thing. I know it works and I know miracles follow. Good luck!

Katie J ♥ said...

I hear ya - I have refrained from commenting on certain blogs for the same reason.

I'd like to be on your blogroll but of course that is up to you ;-)

Taryl said...

I totally get it! I go through seasons where I just don't read a lot of blogs, and other where I really need the support. It's just life and sometimes we are at a different place in our journeys than those who we are following and cheering for.

It's the way it goes, don't feel guilt over it!

downsizers said...

I hope OA provides you the answers that you seek. It is not OA that works; it is you. As you point out that others are trying this and trying that remember Yoda's words, "There is only do or do not; there is no try." I read the pain that you are going through and pray you find your way. Sean Anderson would be a good model for you. His book, "Transformation Road", describes how he got from his top weight of 505 lb. to a normal weight without surgery or pills. Your emotional issues must be tamed. It cannot be more important to eat than to live. I hope you are praying for the strength to beat this. Take care. I will pray for you as well.

Princess Dieter said...

I never stop reading or supporting a blogger cause they're regaining. I stop reading bloggers who GIVE UP. As long as they're fighting the fight, trying to solve their problem, I cheer them on. I will not enable, though. :D

I knew the rough patches would come. Always. I spent enough time reading weight loss blogs BEFORE starting my own and then working hard to get to a place where I could actually STAY ON A DIET AND EXERCISE program....that I had seen the cycles of lose, regain, control, loss of control. I wanted to LEARN from folks, and so I keep reading. I want to see when they solve their issue and move past. Only the ones who solve the issues and learn the habits will keep the weight off, and that's a small minority. Gastric bypass is no guarantee--look at Carnie Wilson, look at gastric bloggers who are startign to regain. It helps a lot of things (diabetes, etc), and it gives a honeymoon period, but then, the person has to do the work. Honeymoons end.

Honeymoons always end and then you do the diligent daily work to overcome.

So hard. So hard. SO HARD. It's HARD. But we all have to climb this wall if we want to be healthy.

Let's keep supporting folks, in good times, in bad. And let's learn, from the successes and the ones failing (for now).

It's only quitting, only not working on it, that's final failure. Right?

On we go...