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LilySlim Weight loss tickers

Monday, March 14, 2011

Two more days. :(

Worry is setting in. Sickness. An overwhelming anxiety. :( I will never be able to eat like a normal person again. Some of the same reasons I chose this surgery are some of the same reasons why I am so sad. With no stomach pouch, your chance of gaining all the weight back are slim. With that said, the ability to eat a normal sized meal is also gone. I admit I am mourning food. My good friend. The same friend who wishes to kill me. I will always be that person at the table who is finished after two bites. Always "the girl who had that surgery." I pray that the thing I am using to extend my life is not the thing that kills me. I want to be here for my kids and husband. I want to know life in a way I never have before. Please pray for me.
Please e-mail me your blog info and contact e-mail (inweighovermyhead@yahoo.com)if you want an invite to this site. I am making it private. Sadly, I have to look in to each person VERY carefully in order to protect my privacy and if I feel I do not "know" you well enough, I will not be able to extend an invitation. :(
I appreciate the support you all have given me. I know some say that by closing up shop for a while I have let him win. So be it. I am not here to battle or fight for anything other than my life. I don't want to win. All I have ever wanted by blogging was to show others out there about the sickness of my food addiction. Honest, open and real. I have never talked about other bloggers or posted about anyone but myself. I intend to keep it this way and have let the bullying and harassment get to my heart. Now, I want to re-focus on this weight loss battle and continue to support others doing the same. I have bigger fish to fry and the most pressing is a very real battle for my life. My mom is flying out tomorrow to help and by this time on Wed, I will be under the knife. God help me.

30 comments:

Crystal said...

You do what you have to do to take care of yourself. No one can ask for more than that! You've been so strong and such an inspiration. I hope you find your smile again soon. I'd like to stay one of your readers.

Gastric Goddess said...

Lisa,
I feel your pain. totally understand your situation, frustration, fear and excitement. I had WLS 12/28/09 and was there. I'm obviously down the road a bit and can now reflect on the past and focus on the future. You will be OK. There will be struggles and your grief of food will ebb and flow but it will be OK. I am offering an ear if you'd like to keep me on as a supporter. I can answer questions and provide an E-shoulder, if you will. Your fear is normal but it will soon be shadowed by your bright future! Good luck! I'm super excited for you because I know first hand what your future holds. I've lost 115# and gone from a size 20 to a size6. I lost the bulk of my weight in about 10 months. I've had to reinvent my brain to not gravitate toward food. The last five months have been harder for me than the first 10 because I am able to eat more now and having to resort back to my will-power to keep myself from continually snacking. We can't eat much but we can eat often and that's always been my weakness. Finding other things to do when I'm bored or during the evening while watching TV with my family... that's one huge obstacle I have to overcome every night...

Anyhow, good luck!
Nancie

Sarah Williams said...

2 more days!!!! I am so excited for you. Trust me it can be nerve racking but this is one of the best decisions you are doing for yourself Lisa. The first few months are hard, I will not lie to you. I craved all those bad foods, I wanted to binge, and at times I did and got sick as a dog and learned my lesson. Now 8 months out I rarely crave any of those bad fatty sugary foods, I actually stay far from them. This was the best thing I have ever done for myself. I enjoy eating healthy and enjoy eating less. Portion control was a big issue for myself before surgery. I hope you invite me you know my blog and my email is sarahkay1@yahoo.com if you need it! If you ever need someone to help you thru it or words of encouragement you know I have your back!

RR said...

Lisa, can we receive an invitation if we don't have a blog? I don't have one, but have been following you for a while, cheering you on, and I really want to know how everything turns out with you. I know you have to be careful of nasty people, but I hope you'll take a chance on me and give me an invite, my email is threebanim@yahoo.com. My name's Erin and I wish you all the best.

Sariah said...

Good for you. It's one thing to talk about you, but to bring in your children is just sickening. Good luck and hope to continue following you on your journey.

Sarah Williams said...

I am sending you an email Lisa from Sarahkay1@yahoo.com

MrsFatass said...

Thank you, Lisa, for the invitation. I feel honored to be able to continue reading.

I think you are so articulate talking about mourning food. Makes so much sense.

Stepping On Cheerios said...

I am way behind in blog reading but as I was going through my reader today I cam across your post. I am so sorry that you have encountered mean people out here in blog land. The longer I blog, the more private I feel I want to make it. I also began a "private" blog and there are currently only 3 readers, by invite only.

I hope the surgery goes fantastic. I also hope it brings you everything you wish and nothing you fear.

Good Luck & HUGS!!!

Kelshei, the winter wolf said...

Ultimately, who you allow to read your blog is completely up to you. It is a shame that some people need to troll blogs and message boards with their toxicity and ugliness. There's already enough ugliness in the world without deliberately contributing to it. It is my hope that you find the peace that you need and that blogging will return to being a source of comfort to you.

Good luck with your upcoming surgery! I know you'll do GREAT! *hugs*

sue said...

I have been reading your blog for sometime now. I have never written or said anything until now. I am so happy that you are getting your surgery. You are a true inspiration to me as well as to others. I would love to follow your progress. I will be emailing you my email address. I hope and pray that all will go well with you. You are a trooper!!

Amanda said...

Lisa, it's up to you who you invite. You have my best wishes regardless.

Best of success to you -- I'm so glad for you that you're moving forward on everything :)

Smith Family said...

Lisa,
I've been following your blog for a long time now. I'm from the LDS board. I wish you the best of luck with your surgery and up coming family transitions.
Good luck!!!!
tracismith26@gmail.com

Amber said...

You are not letting him win, you are doing what is neccessary to keep from getting attacked by another who is uncaring and cruel.

This is your blog and you should not have to feel such hatred from another.

Heather's House said...

Hi Lisa, I'm sure everything is going to be just fine as far as your surgery goes. Don't worry, you will be able to eat again, just not much. You need to eat to live, not live to eat. I know you're going to be successful.

I'd really appreciate it if I could stay on your site so that I can follow your journey with WLS. I have been following for a couple of years. I'm not much of a commenter though but do enjoy reading.

Good luck on Wednesday. God Bless!

Missy said...

I just started reading your blog and I have set you my contact info along with my blog.

I wish you well on your surgery and on your new future. I will be praying for you.

Kafeyan Family said...

You have so much more to worry about if you are indeed having the surgery in 2 days than who is or isn't reading or commenting on your blog. As always, I wish you the best.

Charlsie said...

I rarely comment on a blog but want to offer my support in all you are doing.
I would love to continue following your blog and want to view all your photo's. You are very brave to do it and will be an inspiration to all your followers.

Enz said...

This is actually the first day I found your blog, I'm sorry you're leaving.

I wish you the best of luck and success with your surgery. It is a scary step but a brave one you are taking. God bless you.

Reggs said...

Hang in there, Lis! I think there is nothing better than blocking out negativity in your life. Please add me! I'd love staying in touch. :)

Sarah said...

I will be sending you an email to hopefully be invited to see pictures and continue reading. I'm sorry that you are having trouble and I hope everything gets better!

Good luck girl!

Sarah
notaneffingdiet.blogspot.com

C. Claus said...

Oh sweetie, (((HUGS))) - do what you need to do and remember, you know what is best for you. I wish you nothing but the best for your surgery and I am sure everything will go smoothly. I know the nervous feeling as I'm dealing with it myself - right now.

I will be thinking of you and sending good thoughts your way. I will see you on the Loser's Bench! (((HUGS)))

♥ Shrinking Kenz ♥ said...

....Hugs....

Megan said...

Dear Lisa-
You are very brave and very very strong. I will be praying for your speedy recovery and I want you to know that you have been an inspiration to me, not only for your courage in the face of addiction, but your abilities as a mom!
All the best plus hugs-
Meg

Sarah said...

Ok, I'm trying to figure out who this fella is and if he follows my blog. I'm not reading very good things about this guy and I think I want to distance myself from him if he is following my blog as well. A little help please? Thanks!

Sarah
notaneffingdiet.blogspot.com

Miss E said...

Hey Lisa,
I've been reading your blog for some time now, and it's so evident how much you love you family, and you are trying hard everyday to be better for not only only yourself, but for them as well. Blogging privately doesn't mean you've lost to the bully, it only means you're the bigger person, walking away.

I'll be thinking of you and will keep you in my prayers as you have your surgery. I have thought about it, but unfortunately it's not an option for me living here, and cost-wise if I had to go abroad to have it done. So, I'd love to hear your account of how it goes, maybe one day it'll be an option. Plus I'd really really love to be part of your cheering squad as you see success with weight-loss in the coming months.

smithkarena said...

Dear Lisa, I've been following your progress and I can only wish you the hugest amount of luck in the world. I'm so sorry that someone is being nasty to you...I think I am put off blogging for life now.

I would love to keep following your progress but I understand that there are measures you must take to be safe. Too sad...people are so messed up.

I am 41 years old & after several years of putting it off, I had my hip replaced last year (no, everyone...obviously I'm not too young or I wouldn't have needed it). My life has changed immesurably and I know yours will too. You will be free of the weight dragging you down and that freedom will give you the space to work on the other issues you may have. You seem like a wonderful person and helping yourself to be better is the best gift you can give yourself. That gift will keep giving to you and everyone around you.

I'm sad that I won't know how you're doing but I will think of you often. You go lady and watch as you emerge from your shackles. When you have bad days after your surgery or become despondent, remember that tomorrow will be different and that the slog will be over soon.
Karen x

Jaime said...

So very sorry to hear that you have to make your blog private. You have been an inspiration to both me and my sister who is also over weight but you do what you have to do to care for your family and yourself.


We wish you lots of luck and send you many prayers.

TK84 said...

I don't blame you for locking down your site hun. Some people can't handle the honesty and inspiration that you bring.I find your story inspiring and just reading your posts makes me take a damn good look at myself. The bullies are just jealous of your ability to share and want to bring you down to make themselves look better.

I have been praying for you a lot latley and I will continue to pray that your surgery goes well and your family are healthy and you have a new baby soon.

Thank you for being you and helping me so much XOXO

Lyn said...

Many prayers for you as always, Lisa.

Judith said...

I am praying for you. I know everything will turn out well and you will be back enjoying your family and hopefully your new baby soon!