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Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Update on the first night at the gym...

I will be honest, it started off bad with me in the parking lot, sitting in my car watching people through the windows. Then, I went in and the general manager remembered me from the night I signed up and he put me on the treadmill while I was waiting for my trainer. I felt dizzy and when I tried to let go of the sides I felt like I would fall. I could only walk 10 minutes. I met the trainer and when she started asking me questions, I started to cry. Right there in the gym. So embarrassing. I was thinking about Chris and how she comments to me on my posts about the negative self talk and she is sooo right. I was so afraid someone would make a cow sound, or laugh at me. I am so used to being the gross person in the room. I am so used to seeing myself that way, it is hard to change. I wanted to change my mind. I am so glad I paid for the personal trainer because I would not have stayed unless I "had" to. 20 minutes in to the session, with my once dead muscles burning, I felt wonderful. :) I felt alive and proud of myself for doing more than just surgery to make a healthy body. She had me do some leg machines, crunch machines, the bike and a leg push. I really have NO core body strength so that is our focus for now. My "homework" between sessions is to do 10 sets of 10 squats (100 total) throughout the day at home. Instead of just putting my arms in my hips or in front of me I have to lift them all the way up above my head when I am on my way up from the squat and then lower them on my way down. Once at the gym I have to ride the bike at a low resistance for 30 minutes to get in the fat burning heart rate zone. I will do the weights only when I am with her since I have to be careful about what I am doing due to my back and hips. My appt.s are on Mondays and Thursdays and the rest of the days I just do my "homework." Thanks for all the support all. I am excited to go back tonight! :)

19 comments:

Kelly said...

Lisa - I've been reading your blog for a very long time now. I am one of your biggest fans. I sincerely hope that you get to goal, I really do. Here's the thing. I firmly believe that things will not get better if you do not change the way you think about yourself. (Easier said than done, I know - I still struggle with this, but I am getting better.) I bet if I asked your real life friends what they thought of you, I really doubt that they would use the words "cow" or "lard" or make cow noises when describing you. You're going to get back what you put out into the Universe, and you deserve so much more than negative feelings and thoughts. Just something to think about.
And P.S. - I am still rooting for you, because I believe you can, even if you don't believe it yourself. :-)

Stacey said...

I am so glad you made yourself stay. Just remember, they have worked with bigger and will work with bigger. You are on your way down. Remember that right now, you are a blank piece of paper. What you put on it is up to you. You can fill it with negativity and self depreciation, or you can fill it with hard work and satisfaction! Keep it up! :)

spunkysuzi said...

The first day must be the hardest thing to do!
Sounds like you have a supportive trainer and if you have problems along the way I'm sure she will be there to help you.
Keep up the good work!!

Sarah from Onmyweightohappiness said...

So proud of you Lisa.
Hold your head up high the next time you go in the gym and tell yourself you are worth this and don't care what anyone thinks, your there to improve your life even more!
I would love to be able to afford a trainer to kick my tush!

Christine said...

Hey Lisa, I am soooo glad you saw that you don't deserve to treat yourself that way...and even if, God forbid...some a hole decides to make a comment (which btw I have never had happen to me at the gym....at walmart from guys..but never had it at the gym) then you should remember what you just remembered...that you have done so much already and are continuing to move forward. I always say to my friends that you should talk to yourself like you would your best friend. Because you can be your own best friend. Hugs to you and GREAT JOB getting in there and doing what I know was sooo hard. I have been there. Some day you will walk in there and there will be someone who will be in the position you were once in, and you can encourage them..you will have to do it verbally. Because they will never know you used to be obese. Hugs lisa, I can't wait to see what this year holds for you.

Mrs Swan said...

GOOD FOR YOU!!!! That is awesome that you went in and got started. I know EXACTLY what you mean with the just started crying when asked a question. I have done that before. :)

Kim said...

Lisa, this kind of broke my heart. I hope you make some progress in the way you think about yourself. Easier said than done, I realize. I'm so proud of you for staying! I remember crying at my first step class when I stayed to talk to the teacher. I was so worried she would humiliate me if I couldn't keep up. I understand. Keep up the good work!

Laryssa said...

That is awesome!! You'll find how much better you feel after each workout; it revitalizes you from the inside out! Great job!!

Lori said...

Lisa,
I cannot tell you how proud I am of you for going through with the trainer & gym. I have phobias going back to jr high about PE. I understand the fear of being taunted. But YOU stood up to it!! You did it and did not let the fear control you. It will get easier & easier, I'm sure. One day you'll saunter in to that gym with confidence. People will look at you and wish to be you.
Lori

Heather's House said...

Hi Lisa, Good for you for joining and going to the gym. Be proud of the fact that you have taken your health in your hands and are working at it. No one is going to call you names at the gym. Just remember, while you are there looking at all the beautiful bodies around you working out that you never know what they used to look like. Maybe they used to be fat at one time. You will look like them someday. Keep up the good work. You go girl!

Sunny said...

Ditto to everything that has been said. The self talk is the hardest thing to change. The way people look at you will change and probably already has, way before your own brain accepts that you are different. Put a different tape in your brain, filled with positive self talk and not all the negative bull****.

Karla said...

I also have been reading your blog for ... For sure 2 years. You have come so far, you have soooo much to be proud of!!! Girl you missed so many functions because of your limited mobility, and look at you :) in the gym. You have come sooooo far (((((((hugs)))))) i knew you had it in you

If Only She Were Thinner said...

I felt the same way when I went to the gym for the first time. I had visions of myself flying off the treadmill and was scared to death. I survived though and feel awesome everytime I leave the gym now. It's all about baby steps and you've taken the first one. Each trip gets easier and one day you will find yourself missing the gym on your days off. Keep it up and stay positive with your thoughts. You look amazing! - Dawn

Linda Sherwood said...

You did amazing! I haven't even managed to sit in a parking lot looking into a gym.

The closest I came was meeting with a physical trainer, but it was at a hospital so the other people there were about 70 years old and recovering from heart surgeries.

I do my exercising at home, and I am so proud of you for getting out and going into that gym and rocking it and then going back.

Awesome!

Linda Pressman said...

I think it's easy to rerun old tapes from our childhood perhaps being bullied or from "mean girl" situations in our teens, (or mean guy, come to think of it!) but, remember, most adults are polite. I think that by the time we've spent a lifetime dieting and bingeing and gaining and losing and starting exercise programs over and over, it becomes hard for us to believe in ourselves and we project those thoughts onto others. And, when in absolute doubt, I tell myself what I always tell my kids: All beginnings are hard. :)

Debbie said...

You did it!!! I'm so proud of you! You totally deserve this Lisa and you're worth it! I said this before but those people at the gym...how could they not look at you with admiration for being there! You've done amazing things and you'll continue to do so. Way to go!!!

susan said...

WOW! Sounds like you had to muster up so much courage in order to even step inside the door ... but, you not only stepped inside, you worked out, set goals and overcame one of your biggest fears. You are inspiring.

Amanda said...

Girl...BE PROUD! I have never been in a gym in my life and would be very scared to meet a personal trainer myself...Ur doing awesome:)

Sarah said...

Once you get the hang of the gym you will love it! You will look forward to your "gym time". Some days I'm grumpy and tired and it takes everything in me to get to the gym, but when I leave I always feel awesome. It's a great feeling. You will love it when it happens to you!

Sarah
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