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Tuesday, January 17, 2012

I realized I HAVE been binging

Since weight loss surgery changed how much I can eat, the concept of binging has to change. I can't say I am cured from binge eating because I STILL eat when I am not hungry and I decided that doing so is my new "binging." There is no reason to eat when it is not for nutrition or hunger. If I sit down to eat just for the enjoyment, when I know I don't need it, I am giving in to an addiction that still lives inside me. It finds it's way to the surface when I let my guard down. When I get cocky and thing I am conquered it, or when I think my WLS has "defeated it", I am reminded that like any addict I will have to make choices every day not to "use." I am starting those internal fights again... You can eat it. You can't "binge" on it because you had WLS so just eat a little bit... Eat it today but don't eat any bad thing for the rest of the week... All the old "diet" rationalizations. Yes, Ia m so lucky my stomach is smaller and doesn't allow for one of my "old" binges or I know I would be knee deep in it right now. Although I can't really eat as much as I would if I had not gotten this surgery, that doesn't mean I can't stop my WL all together, revision or not because of poor food choices. It's a reminder that WLS can't cure everything, it's a tool. It's a tool I can use to help me have more strength than the binge monster, more power to fight him, but without "training" and using my tool everyday, it gets weaker. I need to get stronger. Ia m still fighting the good fight. My life is worth it.


susan said...

Good thoughts!!

Have you read any books written by Geneen Roth?

Christine said...

Lord, I wish there was a magic cure all..But there isn't. It is a fight for the rest of your life..but so worth it. Hang in there lisa.

Kelliann said...

Great thoughts - and congrats for the realization. Use your tool wisely and it will work for you. We still have to battle our MENTAL and EMOTIONAL issues... grrr. Such a struggle, but you can do it!

Sarah from Onmyweightohappiness said...

I wish there was a cure for it honestly I battle it daily, some days worse than others. It's a part of me I wish was gone forever but its something I have to battle every single day the rest of my life if I want to keep this weight off. Some days I do give in to the binge monster or snack monster as I call it, but I don't let it stop me, I pick up the pieces and move on. I got your back on this hun and if you ever need to vent or need anything let me know cuz its a battle I am dealing with too!

Diana said...

I'm so glad I found you again. And wow, what a change. You look beautiful in the pic with your kids. Great job. I know WLS isn't really the secret bullet everyone thinks it is, it's still a lot of hard work.

You've done great!

tz said...

a trainer is a great idea! And yes, I hate that feeling of going into a gym...I'm not sure if I'm more afraid of people finding me revolting or that 'yay you' mentality. either way I just want to be invisible. With that said, you getting a trainer even with the fear of going to a gym is a hurdle crossed in itself. Good luck and I am looking forward to reading how t goes!