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Friday, December 30, 2011

Kind of a step Back :(

I am going to have to start sleeping in "the chair" again at least a few days per week because my back pain is sooo bad. It feels like someone is taking an axe to my lower back just to roll over. My medical ins. changed so my PT went from no co-pay to $50 PER VISIT! Can't afford that so I am going back in two weeks to try and get an "at-home" type of program. In many ways by back disability is a double edged sword. If I could walk, sleep in a bed, take care of myself at 360 pounds, would I have gotten my surgery? I don't think so. Honestly, my food addiction is so real that even the threat of losing my life wasn't enough for me to stop. It took my back making me home bound from the pain and pressure of all the fat that sent me to the place where I knew I would end up like that mom in "What's Eating Gilbert Grape" if I didn't get help. I am grateful for my back problems for that reason, but living in so much pain all the time can take it's toll. It's all the more reason to try to get the scale moving in a downward direction again in order to relieve some of the pressure. I have my appt in Jan. with the surgeon to go over my options. If I am part of the 1% freak show of scare tissue gone crazy, then what are my chances of that happening again? Who knows. for now I am still functioning in "grateful mode." :)


Sunny said...

You have such a great attitude! You may have to sleep in the chair a couple days a week, but you have just about every other part of your life back. You are a great inspiration to me. I have worked really hard not to gain excess weight with this pregnancy, so I don't have to work it off after (under dr's supervision, of course) and I am hoping to make great strides once this little one is here. I look to you a lot for a great example of how to view things. I need to be grateful for everything and stop focusing on only the setbacks.

Heather said...

Hang in there, girl! Praying for you!

Laryssa said...

It's too bad about your insurance changes. I wonder if there's a YMCA nearby that offers aqua-aerobics that you could join. It would help you continue strengthening your back muscles so you won't have to go back to sleeping on a chair all the time. I hope and pray you can find a solution.

Have a happy healthy new year!

Kim said...

Thinking of you Lisa! You have come so far, you can do it!! I agree with the comment above me about aquatic therapy. If you haven't tried it, it might really be helpful. Good luck and hoping you get some relief soon!