this big ol' teddy bear at a baby resale store contest. I won I won I won! It's a major award! ;) (If you got that, you are my friend.) lol Anyway, I was out shopping and entered a drawing and won. The kids love it. I look at it as something else to clean... :) The great part is that I was out shopping, enjoying this beautiful day with 4 of my kids. My older son is camping with my husband for boy scouts so I was on my own and managed just fine other than missing him. It feels great to be self sufficient! Now, I am off to put my major award in my front window so all the neighbors can gaze with admiration. :)
Friday, April 27, 2012
that I have some people who are so negatively obsessed with what I write on my blog and about my personal struggles and experiences. (I am so grateful for those who read because they are kind and care or have shared experiences.) I should be flattered that my life is so awesome it causes people to think about me non-stop. (good ol' blogger shows me where my traffic comes from and it always shows a particular site of someone who hates me. I dare not read it because it will only hurt my feelings) The great thing is... my life really is awesome. Just a couple of weeks ago I was so caught up in my ins. approval to fix the malformation I was not looking at the blessings right in front of me. Again, I will say right off the bat... surgery is NOT a cure all for weight loss. No matter WHAT surgery you have your body will adapt. For instance, if I want to lose weight I have to stay around 600-800 calories per day as a result of having my stomach so drastically reduced in size. Try eating under 800 calories per day... it's HARD to do. Sometimes I REALLY miss being able to binge. I still don't understand why, that after all that has happened to me as a result of binge eating, I still miss that feeling of being so full. I know that full feeling is more than physical. When I was younger, I lived alone. Even while in high school. I had some big parties at my house but at the end of the day, when everyone went home to their families, I was alone. Right away I would turn on the TV really loud so it would feel like someone was there and I would START EATING. I still have those feelings today. Even with my family at home, I am uneasy if the TV is not on. I fight the urge to eat when I have anxiety. My therapist said to sit with the anxiety until it starts to go down, but that is harder than it sounds. The beauty of my life is that my body has improved so much in the last year, I am not FORCED to sit in my anxiety. I am able to MOVE. I don't have to sit there and suffer. Today I took my older daughter to the eye dr and I remember that same appt. last year was torture! It was sooo hard for me to walk down the hall. This time, I had my two youngest AND a 1 year old I was babysitting for the day. (three kids under 3 years old) I wish I could put these grateful feelings in a bottle to give to others. Right there I started to tear up and thank God for the blessing of walking. I guess you never really appreciate those kind of things until you don't have it anymore. I lived like that for THREE years. When I am down about not losing more weight or not looking the way I want too, i need to remember WHY I chose medical intervention in the first place and remember the results. I just had my physical and for the first time EVER my blood work all came back perfect. My monthly cycles are back, I can walk, enjoy myself, plan a summer vacation that does NOT include sitting in a wheel chair. Yep, my life is awesome and worthy of obsession. :)
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Friday, April 20, 2012
I am throwing a baby shower for my sweet friend. I just went shopping for all the fun stuff and started decorating. Just something ELSE I could not do just a year ago. As you can see, I am trying to remind myself how far I have come so I will not be let down by how far I have to go. It's kinda fun. :)
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Went to my oldest daughter's school soccer game tonight. I was able to walk the FAR distance from the parking lot to the stands while pushing two littles in a stroller. :) It was AWESOME to feel the wind on my face, catch up with my friend in the stands, watch the game and then after the game go on the field for pics. :) THIS IS why I got the surgery and even with the malformation issue, it was the BEST thing I have ever done.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
during our family walk. Still fat, but out there WALKING! :) My face is extra fat because of my allergies, but I didn't let that stop me. I am proud to take my pic while I am out there trying to be good to my body. My entire family went so we did it together. :)
Thursday, April 12, 2012
These are just SOME of the things I have been able to do in the past few weeks...
#1: Co host a bridal shower for a friend... #2: Go on a picnic with my family and walked around the lake feeding ducks...
#3: Go with my family to our neighborhood Easter Egg Hunt
#3: Go with my family to our neighborhood Easter Egg Hunt
(We ALL walked to the Egg Hunt...:)
#4: We went to watch some friends play a softball game...
#5: I WALKED my littles to pick up my son from school...
#6: I attended a wedding reception...
#7: I took my little kids to our church Easter Egg Hunt by myself because my husband was home with a headache. That means I had no help with the stroller or lifting the car seat out of the car... My older kids were off with other things so it was just me and the babies.
#8: We stopped for a small impromptu picnic at this little area near our house. It was wonderful to not have to think about how far I could walk or wonder if I could make it to the waters edge without help.
What is not pictured is the Tea Party I had on the floor with my two youngest babies or going shopping with my oldest daughter for a new outfit, or taking my oldest son to scouts, taking my youngest son to swim lessons, or my three year old to dance class, shopping, hiding Easter baskets, going to baby showers... and the list goes on. ALL of this was impossible one year ago and damn it, this is good enough! This was what I was begging for before surgery. If you remember, all I wanted was to walk and be able to LIVE life with my family and I have achieved this goal. Enough is enough. I need to change my mindset to a place where I am GRATEFUL EVERY MINUTE OF EVERY DAY. How can I look at this life I am living and whine about what I don't have? There are people who would be VERY happy to have this life. I am so grateful. I AM SO GRATEFUL. Only a dumb @ss would not look at this wonderful change and be happy every day. I chose to no longer be a dumb @ss. :)