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Friday, April 27, 2012

It still blows my mind...

that I have some people who are so negatively obsessed with what I write on my blog and about my personal struggles and experiences.  (I am so grateful for those who read because they are kind and care or have shared experiences.) I should be flattered that my life is so awesome it causes people to think about me non-stop.  (good ol' blogger shows me where my traffic comes from and it always shows a particular site of someone who hates me.  I dare not read it because it will only hurt my feelings)  The great thing is... my life really is awesome. Just a couple of weeks ago I was so caught up in my ins. approval to fix the malformation I was not looking at the blessings right in front of me.  Again, I will say right off the bat... surgery is NOT a cure all for weight loss.  No matter WHAT surgery you have your body will adapt.  For instance, if I want to lose weight I have to stay around 600-800 calories per day as a result of having my stomach so drastically reduced in size.  Try eating under 800 calories per day... it's HARD to do.  Sometimes I REALLY miss being able to binge.  I still don't understand why, that after all that has happened to me as a result of binge eating, I still miss that feeling of being so full.  I know that full feeling is more than physical.  When I was younger, I lived alone. Even while in high school.  I had some big parties at my house but at the end of the day, when everyone went home to their families, I was alone.  Right away I would turn on the TV really loud so it would feel like someone was there and I would START EATING.  I still have those feelings today.  Even with my family at home, I am uneasy if the TV is not on.  I fight the urge to eat when I have anxiety.  My therapist said to sit with the anxiety until it starts to go down, but that is harder than it sounds.  The beauty of my life is that my body has improved so much in the last year, I am not FORCED to sit in my anxiety.  I am able to MOVE.  I don't have to sit there and suffer.  Today I took my older daughter to the eye dr and I remember that same appt. last year was torture!  It was sooo hard for me to walk down the hall.  This time, I had my two youngest AND a 1 year old I was babysitting for the day.  (three kids under 3 years old)  I wish I could put these grateful feelings in a bottle to give to others.  Right there I started to tear up and thank God for the blessing of walking.  I guess you never really appreciate those kind of things until you don't have it anymore.  I lived like that for THREE years.  When I am down about not losing more weight or not looking the way I want too, i need to remember WHY I chose medical intervention in the first place and remember the results.  I just had my physical and for the first time EVER my blood work all came back perfect.  My monthly cycles are back, I can walk, enjoy myself, plan a summer vacation that does NOT include sitting in a wheel chair.  Yep, my life is awesome and worthy of obsession. :)

12 comments:

Christine said...

people will ALWAYS talk. You know what I think. Life is short. You are finally living yours with happiness. good on you and don't look back!

Lap Band Gal said...

Just ignore those negative nellies.

They're will always be those naysayers on the web. Ignore them.

You are here on your blog to talk about you and your life and anything else you damn well feel like talking about so just keep on going. I am reading each of your posts. BIG HUGS! :)

Lawgirl said...

I agree with Christine. Ignore the haters. I know some of them feel as though they are sharing tough love and helping, but they're not.

I am almost 8 weeks out and so happy to have had the surgery. The first two weeks, I wouldn't have said that. 48 lbs later and feeling good!

Angela/Pretty in Orange.

susan said...

Yep, rise above.
Negativity only breeds contempt.

Amanda said...

GOOD GOOD attitude about the eye doctor! We all need to look at life that way!

Princess Dieter said...

Hey, I had old-fashioned parents and went to Catholic school for 8 years. I know tough love. I like it.

I've gotten some tough love on this journey and it's appreciated.

But there is such a thing as tough disdain, tough smugness, tough arrogance, and TOUGH HATE...and that's useless. It's hurtful and mean and useless. It comes from a place of superiority and contempt, not from a place of "I want to help you."

That I can do without on this difficult road.

To hell with TOUGH HATE.

Lori said...

As weird as it seems, I think we go through a greiving period for food. It was a big part of life, so we mourn for it like any other part of life that is removed.
Lori

Heather's House said...

To hell with them. You are happy and that's all that matters.

BTW ... love the new blog. Looks great!

Diane said...

One thing I have learned in life is that there are people in this world who thrive on making others miserable. Thankfully, they are a minority. You are pretty, have a lovely home and family, and have kept off what - a hundred pounds or so? Ignore those who live to bring you down. I believe without a shadow of a doubt that we all will stand before the Good Lord one day and will have to give an account for the things we do on earth - and we would all do well to keep that in mind.

Lyn said...

Your blog has been so encouraging to me. Seeing how you've completely changed your life is wonderful, and lately you have been so positive about what you CAN do and not what you cannot. That is the attitude that will get you where you want to be... and, if I am right, where you want to be is happy, at peace, enjoying life with your family and friends. As you keep working on being active and eating healthy things your health should get better and better. Focus on health and making your life as LONG and enjoyable as possible.

Kim said...

I wouldn't worry about what other people think or say. Don't ever let them bring you down! It doesn't matter how you lose weight, you did it for the right reasons and are benefitting from the results daily!.

Kelly said...

I agree with Princess Dieter. There is a difference between a kick in the butt and full out venom, hatred, and disdain. Why bother reading a blog you hate? Why spew about it on your own blog? Why waste your time if you're so above it? Those people act as if other weight loss bloggers have done something personal against them. I don't get it. You have to wonder what is wrong with those people, what awful thing (or things) happened to them in their lives to make them that way.