My surgery is off. I am so sorry for anyone who has offered to help next week etc. I am not happy about this. I am 90% sure I can't do this on my own. I have NO CHOICE but to try AGAIN. For the 10,000th time in my life. I am going to dig deep this week to try and find some hope. I am a food addict. Food addiction is real I hate when it's used as a joke by some skinny people who like to eat sweets or chips every now and again. It is all consuming. It destroys my body. It runs my schedule, takes up a ton of space in my mind and changes how I look at everything. I have so much to live for and so many goals for the future yet food has been a block wall keeping me from these things for so long. There is something I am trying medically in Dec/Jan (not something related to weight) that I cannot try unless I am able to lose 100 pounds in 9 months. I am open for prayer. :) Thanks for listening and supporting me. Sorry to bring my personal drama to FB, but I am a very open person and feel like if I am not "real" I am lying. I won't pretend to be happy and ready to tackle this head on. I don't feel that way. Right now I feel let down, sad, scared and angry that I am in this place. Jealous too. Jealous of people who are free from this addiction. People who move freely in this beautiful world. People who can plan their day by what they want to do and not how far they can walk due to their back. People who can run, ride bikes, dance, feel the sun on their face during a walk… I know everyone has their own problems but this one is mine. In the mean time, I am trying to focus on my beautiful family and pray for a solution that will enable me to be at my best for them and for myself. :( Excuse me if I am ticked off and in a bad mood for a week or so.
* I am not ready to talk about this.