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Sunday, November 13, 2011

I've been busy with... :)

(the photographer came to our house to do the newborn pics. She is taking a shot from above in this pic. :)
This perfect blessing... :) Live is amazing and YES! I owe it to my surgery! I was holding the baby the other day, bouncing her in my arms while STANDING. like a normal mother would. It hit me all of a sudden.. I am standing and holding my baby! Soooo normal for most people but something that brought me to tears. I feel like I am over the weight loss phase of my life. I know 237 is still massively fat for most people, but coming from 360 it feels pretty good. At this point I focus on health. Weight loss is a bonus... lol My appointment with my surgeon is this Wednesday and I will find out if he recommends a revision. If I need it, I won't be able to get it done until the summer. If he recommends the bypass I will NOT do it. I know many have had success with that but the malabsorbtion issues would be too dangerous for me considering my need to take blood thinners from my strokes etc. Again, my first surgery was to save my life. I don't agree with surgery in order to just look better. I will rely on the gym and physical therapy to help with that. :) Anyway, I am a happy girl right now. I am sooo blessed with my family and some good close friends. I am happy to be rid of "friends" who are only around when they want something from you. I feel free from so much baggage by cutting back on the negative influences in my life. It is so much easier to see the blessings you have without all the darkness effecting your vision. :) I feel about fat the same way. I am STILL AND ALWAYS WILL BE AN ADDICT. I still think of food. I imagine the type of binges I could have if I had not had my surgery. I STILL fight regret when faced with the truth that binging is not a way I can cope even if I wanted too. It is so weird for your mind to still want something it knows you are not capable of giving it anymore. That part never turns off and for those who think surgery will kill it 100%, PLEASE know that is NOT true. BUT... it does keep you from giving in because you have no choice. Anyway, I feel that the layers of fat were barriers from real happiness. It's so hard to see through them to the world outside. Sorry, I am all over the place today but I will try to update after my appt. as far as the results. If I am some kind of freak show who has had her stomach grow back, I will not be surprised. :)


Amanda said...

That baby is just the cutest thing, and it sounds like you've really got a good handle on your life :) Yay!

Kareen said...

Congrats on your new addition. Your perspective on life is refreshing.

Sheila said...

Good luck on your appt. I am hoping you don't need a revision so I'm sending you a little prayer.

Your new bundle of joy is just precious, I'm so glad you are able to be the kind of mom you always wanted to be.

Sarah said...

Congrats. I hope that you post the pics when you get them!


Dea said...

I don't think 237 is massively fat. A lot of women are in that range and exhibit health in the form of controlled blood sugar, physical functionality, good blood pressure, etc. I'm glad you are focusing on the positive.

The baby is scrumptious!

Mary :: A Merry Life said...

Congrats!!! I'm glad to see you are doing so well. :)

kristi said...

I am still over 200 but I am happy and feel healthier than I have in years! You look great and feel amazing and you have your life back!