You see the big yellow water slide? Well, I went down that thing! I, Lisa, went on a WATER SLIDE!!!! It was my first time in at least 20 years. The last time I went on a water slide I was in jr. high. By the time I got to high school, I was already (in my mind) to big to be in a bathing suit in front of a living, breathing person. I also have to admit, it took me a good hour to work up the nerve to on this one. I spent a good amount of time telling myself all the things that could go wrong. #1, I could have a hard time going up the 4 flights of stairs to the top and have to turn around and go down in front of everyone. #2 I could actually get stuck on the water slide because we have all seen that "America's funniest home video" where the really big guy has to push him self down the slide because he is to heavy for the water to carry him down. Did I really want that to happen in front of my friends and my husband and kids? #3 What if the slide cracked or came off it's hinges under my weight? How would I feel knowing that I broke the slide for everyone?
THEN, the negative self talk started. My addiction was once again telling me I was not good enough. "Lisa, you still look gross. No one wants to see a whale with fat rolls walk up those stairs and go down the slide... You should wait until next year... Maybe you will look better by then... You are just asking to be humiliated... don't do it..."
After an hour of this, I told that voice to shut the hell up and buckle it's seatbelt because I am about to have fun!
I practically ran up those stairs and was not winded AT ALL. I do admit to checking with the lifeguard about the weight limit at least 20 times before I went down... lol It was really one of those moments that changes things. I sat there at the top. (I got down on the slide all by myself..:) I took some deep breaths. Once again that voice tried to talk me out of this. "The kids in the water or those along the side ride will see you! They will make fun of you! If you end up getting stuck, you are going to have to yell for help..." You will embarrass your husband...
I took another deep breath. It is now or never Lisa! Tell that voice, tell ALL the voices of people who tell you you can't, you won't, you shouldn't... Tell them to go to hell! So, with that, I pushed off REALLY hard. I intended to own this slide. I intended to show that voice that I AM IN CHARGE. I went down that slide like there was no tomorrow. I flew around the turns, I was going faster and faster until "SPLASH!" I hit the water. It felt like a baptism. I was coming up a new woman. Washed away was the voice of weakness. Washed away was the "I can't, I won't, I should not." What emerged was FUN. I felt like a kid. I felt free. I walked around for the rest of the time in all my fat roll glory, no bathing suit cover, enjoying all the evening had to give me. I am free. I AM IN CHARGE of the quality of my life. I am still way off from being a bathing suit beauty, and will any of us really ever get there? Will I ever look like a model in a bathing suit? No, but I am WORTHY of fun. I may never be "bathing suit ready" so there is no need to put off life anymore! I know, all this from a water slide? Yes. Go on one as soon as you can so you can feel it too. :)