Amazing!

I had the most amazing Thanksgiving holiday. My high school friends came from out of state to stay with us and left this morning. We hosted Thanksgiving again this year with tons of friends, I took a ride on the Polar Express yesterday with our friends and my family, I have gone to see downtown Christmas lights, cooked my butt off, all without ANY limitations. We have our newest little addition... I am sooooooooooooooo grateful for my surgery. It's because I prayed and got my answer to move forward with it that I am able to experience the type of holiday I always used to say I would have "next year." No more next year! No more..." by this time next year I will be such and such pounds and be able to do this..." SCREW THAT! The time is now! Today's the day! The moment is NOW! :) Wow. I am happy. Still fat in the eyes of most, but so damn happy.

Update from my dr. appt

Well, it turns out I am indeed the 1% of people who has scar tissue expand. Whatever. I am still VERY happy with getting this surgery and will do a revision if I have too. I am on kind of a pre-op diet again to see if the mass will shrink or if it does not which will tell the dr. the options for revision. I am STILL at 236. I swear my body is working against me at all costs to keep from going down from that number. :) The baby is so perfect and such a joy. All of our kids are adjusting so well to her and having her during this holiday season makes it so much more fun. :) We are having my fiends from out of state join us for Thanksgiving and they will stay a few days. I love hosting guests especially when my body allows me to participate in the fun. We just bought tickets to the Polar Express. I am not worried about the food. I will make the Thanksgiving feast just as I have EVERY year, only this year I will not be rolling around on a chair. :) I hope everyone has a GREAT Thanksgiving!

I've been busy with... :)

(the photographer came to our house to do the newborn pics. She is taking a shot from above in this pic. :)
This perfect blessing... :) Live is amazing and YES! I owe it to my surgery! I was holding the baby the other day, bouncing her in my arms while STANDING. like a normal mother would. It hit me all of a sudden.. I am standing and holding my baby! Soooo normal for most people but something that brought me to tears. I feel like I am over the weight loss phase of my life. I know 237 is still massively fat for most people, but coming from 360 it feels pretty good. At this point I focus on health. Weight loss is a bonus... lol My appointment with my surgeon is this Wednesday and I will find out if he recommends a revision. If I need it, I won't be able to get it done until the summer. If he recommends the bypass I will NOT do it. I know many have had success with that but the malabsorbtion issues would be too dangerous for me considering my need to take blood thinners from my strokes etc. Again, my first surgery was to save my life. I don't agree with surgery in order to just look better. I will rely on the gym and physical therapy to help with that. :) Anyway, I am a happy girl right now. I am sooo blessed with my family and some good close friends. I am happy to be rid of "friends" who are only around when they want something from you. I feel free from so much baggage by cutting back on the negative influences in my life. It is so much easier to see the blessings you have without all the darkness effecting your vision. :) I feel about fat the same way. I am STILL AND ALWAYS WILL BE AN ADDICT. I still think of food. I imagine the type of binges I could have if I had not had my surgery. I STILL fight regret when faced with the truth that binging is not a way I can cope even if I wanted too. It is so weird for your mind to still want something it knows you are not capable of giving it anymore. That part never turns off and for those who think surgery will kill it 100%, PLEASE know that is NOT true. BUT... it does keep you from giving in because you have no choice. Anyway, I feel that the layers of fat were barriers from real happiness. It's so hard to see through them to the world outside. Sorry, I am all over the place today but I will try to update after my appt. as far as the results. If I am some kind of freak show who has had her stomach grow back, I will not be surprised. :)

Weight Loss Picture update

This pic was taken on Friday night. My hubby and I went out on a date the night before we brought the new baby home. During the date we walked around the mall holding hands, watched ice skaters and went out to dinner. I felt like I was walking on air because I had not done this with him in about 8 years because of my weight/back. (p.s., the pants are a size 18!) :)So, I am now a sexy beast because I fit in to my black boots which I have not worn for YEARS! (My ankles got to fat so they would not close.)

This is me in our hospital room (the hospital gave us our own room, isn't that cool?) right before we went to the nursery to pick up the baby and bring her home. What a miracle that was made possible by my surgery in so many ways. #1, I could not walk more than a few feet before surgery #2, I could not have picked up a new baby #3, I am happier than I have EVER been which makes sleepless night much more bearable. :) Sorry, I know I look a mess in this pic but I had already cried off all my make-up. lol Thanks for all the congrats! I appreciate it so much! I am STILL at 237 which means I have been in a stall for almost 2 months. BUT... my body is still changing and I can do more and more each day so I'm all good!

My BIG news is...

Meet Baby Girl "C" :)

Born today weighing in at 8 pounds 3 ounces, 19 inches long

The birth mother is a friend of our family and she is nothing less than an angel.

I was allowed to be in the room and cut the cord!

One of the most beautiful experiences ever. We've known since the birth mom was about 7 weeks along. We found out about 2 weeks before my surgery. I knew in that moment that I HAD to do this in order to be able to not only be the mom my other 4 kids deserve, but to be the mom this new little one would need. Today was perfect. I just got home about an hour ago. I am in-love. :)

BIG hint for my special announcement!!! :)

Big news tomorrow... :)

Got the upper GI today...

I have a ball on top of my sleeve. Nice. I have an appointment next week to talk about where we go from here. :(

I've decided to finally show a pic of my family... :)

:)

This week will be life changing...

In more ways than one. So I may need a revision with my surgery. I have a lot less restriction than I am supposed too. I have NEVER eaten enough food to throw up so I know there is room in there for whatever I am eating. I can still loose weight so for now I'm good, but my sleeve may be longer than average which allows for more room for food. At this point, I can do most things I want to do but my back is still REALLY bad and the more weight I can take off my back the better. It will be good to find out what we are dealing with in case my weight loss stops before I get to a place that is best for my back and hips. Second, I will be able to tell you about my life-changing news THIS WEEK! I am so excited. I owe all of these awesome experiences to God and my weight loss surgery. :) I prayed and prayed about doing it and ALWAYS received confirmation that it's what I needed in order to save my life and it was! Saving my life went FAR beyond physical weight. My heart was dying. My mind was over-run. I felt myself going further and further in to my addiction and I was losing everything about me I once knew. WLS has helped pull me out of that black hole but I have so much work to do on my own. I still have the ability to eat whatever I want and some days it's hard to say no. Not because of cravings, but because of emotions. I am so tied emotionally to food. A holiday is not a holiday without certain foods. I feel like I HAVE to eat it in order to legitimize the day. I know that sounds crazy, but it's my reality. My addition is still here, but I have a tool to try and help me control him. The difference now is that I KNOW I will win.

Pic of another first... :)

(The kid in the orange is not my son, but he was the only kid turned around so I had to block his face) :)

On Friday I was able to chaperone my sons kindergarten field trip to the pumpkin patch. I was enlisted to help hide things in a hay maze, hand out lunches, help in the craft room... :) It was awesome. I will say it again, the surgery was the BEST thing I have ever done for myself, even if the results on Tuesday don't come out as I would want. On that note, at least I will know in less than a couple of weeks if I will need a revision. If I do, I will do it in a New York minute.

I did it! I did it! I did it!!!!! (pic included:) - holy crap I did it!

I slept in my bed!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALL NIGHT! FOR THE FIRST TIME IN ALMOST 3 YEARS! We just painted our bedroom so please ignore the bare walls. Anyway, in case you didn't catch that... I SLEPT IN MY BED! I am so excited! I can't explain how it feels to do something so normal to other people, but something I have not been able to do for so long. I will admit, my back hurt like hell but I am going to have to ease in to it. Maybe one day on the chair and one day in the bed until I can get used to it. We are redecorating our room and my hubby cleaned all the carpets last night so since the bed was moved to a new place int he room, I decided, "what the hell?!" Just give it a try for an hour or so..." I waited until about 2am when I was really tired. (I am a total night owl) The next thing I know it was time to get up and get the kids out for school. I guess that isn't technically the entire night, but I don't go to sleep until about 1am every night and get up at 6:30am so to me it's all night. :) Wow, I slept in my bed... he he :)

This pic is why I don't give a CRAP about the scale...

I have my life back and that's ALL that matters. My daughter took this pic of me this morning because it's the first time in about 5 years that I wore a necklace. I NEVER do because I think it makes my face look too fat. It still does, :) but I'm glad I did it. I am NOT going to weigh myself until Nov. 1st. I have gone down one pound to 236, but I feel GREAT. I can't allow myself to be defined by my scale and get let down by the stall. All I can do is look at the great things going on and be grateful. That's all any of us can do.

My big secret...

I can reveal the awesome news 2 weeks from today! I can't wait to be able to share what it is!

Recent pic of me from this weekend....

At the FAIR! I have NEVER been since we moved here (5 1/2 years ago) because I could not walk. Not only did I walk, but I pushed our double stroller the ENTIRE time. Yes, that is a corn dog in my hand. lol I bit the top off (the best part)and then gave the rest to my kids. lol On the WL front, I have been stalled for over a month. It sucks and although I try to focus on my new life, it's hard to see the scale not moving. I am going to try some new things to see if that re-starts things. My big secret reveal is VERY soon! :) Stay tuned!

6 months out follow-up appointment

According to the Dr. I am not losing as fast as others, but I am on track and I will need to bump up the physical activity now. My hormones are RAGING because I am getting my period back which is good because it means I am getting "normal" again but not good because PMS sucks. :) So, in order to start "bumping things up" I walked my son to school this morning! It was sooo awesome! I loved the crisp air, pushing the stroller (for my 2 year old), watching my big boy walk in front of me... :) I am loving my new walking shoes and plan to use them everyday!

I have a friend from church who walks her daughter to school and we are going to walk together every morning. Tomorrow my oldest daughter gets to play with the local high school marching band during the half time show (she is in 7th grade band) so I plan to wear my awesome shoes tomorrow night to help me navigate the large football stadium. I am a freak for pictures so I will no doubt be running all over the place trying to get the best shot of her on the field. I am excited that I get to go and watch her do something she enjoys so much. I am so glad that she gets a mom who is able to attend instead of the old mom who would have had to stay home.

On another note, I took this pic as we were walking out to the van to go to church on Sunday. My 5 year old LOVES to "help" my 2 year old and he is always looking out for her. I love how close they are. :)