I've decided to finally show a pic of my family... :)

:)

This week will be life changing...

In more ways than one. So I may need a revision with my surgery. I have a lot less restriction than I am supposed too. I have NEVER eaten enough food to throw up so I know there is room in there for whatever I am eating. I can still loose weight so for now I'm good, but my sleeve may be longer than average which allows for more room for food. At this point, I can do most things I want to do but my back is still REALLY bad and the more weight I can take off my back the better. It will be good to find out what we are dealing with in case my weight loss stops before I get to a place that is best for my back and hips. Second, I will be able to tell you about my life-changing news THIS WEEK! I am so excited. I owe all of these awesome experiences to God and my weight loss surgery. :) I prayed and prayed about doing it and ALWAYS received confirmation that it's what I needed in order to save my life and it was! Saving my life went FAR beyond physical weight. My heart was dying. My mind was over-run. I felt myself going further and further in to my addiction and I was losing everything about me I once knew. WLS has helped pull me out of that black hole but I have so much work to do on my own. I still have the ability to eat whatever I want and some days it's hard to say no. Not because of cravings, but because of emotions. I am so tied emotionally to food. A holiday is not a holiday without certain foods. I feel like I HAVE to eat it in order to legitimize the day. I know that sounds crazy, but it's my reality. My addition is still here, but I have a tool to try and help me control him. The difference now is that I KNOW I will win.

Pic of another first... :)

(The kid in the orange is not my son, but he was the only kid turned around so I had to block his face) :)

On Friday I was able to chaperone my sons kindergarten field trip to the pumpkin patch. I was enlisted to help hide things in a hay maze, hand out lunches, help in the craft room... :) It was awesome. I will say it again, the surgery was the BEST thing I have ever done for myself, even if the results on Tuesday don't come out as I would want. On that note, at least I will know in less than a couple of weeks if I will need a revision. If I do, I will do it in a New York minute.

I did it! I did it! I did it!!!!! (pic included:) - holy crap I did it!

I slept in my bed!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALL NIGHT! FOR THE FIRST TIME IN ALMOST 3 YEARS! We just painted our bedroom so please ignore the bare walls. Anyway, in case you didn't catch that... I SLEPT IN MY BED! I am so excited! I can't explain how it feels to do something so normal to other people, but something I have not been able to do for so long. I will admit, my back hurt like hell but I am going to have to ease in to it. Maybe one day on the chair and one day in the bed until I can get used to it. We are redecorating our room and my hubby cleaned all the carpets last night so since the bed was moved to a new place int he room, I decided, "what the hell?!" Just give it a try for an hour or so..." I waited until about 2am when I was really tired. (I am a total night owl) The next thing I know it was time to get up and get the kids out for school. I guess that isn't technically the entire night, but I don't go to sleep until about 1am every night and get up at 6:30am so to me it's all night. :) Wow, I slept in my bed... he he :)

This pic is why I don't give a CRAP about the scale...

I have my life back and that's ALL that matters. My daughter took this pic of me this morning because it's the first time in about 5 years that I wore a necklace. I NEVER do because I think it makes my face look too fat. It still does, :) but I'm glad I did it. I am NOT going to weigh myself until Nov. 1st. I have gone down one pound to 236, but I feel GREAT. I can't allow myself to be defined by my scale and get let down by the stall. All I can do is look at the great things going on and be grateful. That's all any of us can do.

My big secret...

I can reveal the awesome news 2 weeks from today! I can't wait to be able to share what it is!

Recent pic of me from this weekend....

At the FAIR! I have NEVER been since we moved here (5 1/2 years ago) because I could not walk. Not only did I walk, but I pushed our double stroller the ENTIRE time. Yes, that is a corn dog in my hand. lol I bit the top off (the best part)and then gave the rest to my kids. lol On the WL front, I have been stalled for over a month. It sucks and although I try to focus on my new life, it's hard to see the scale not moving. I am going to try some new things to see if that re-starts things. My big secret reveal is VERY soon! :) Stay tuned!

6 months out follow-up appointment

According to the Dr. I am not losing as fast as others, but I am on track and I will need to bump up the physical activity now. My hormones are RAGING because I am getting my period back which is good because it means I am getting "normal" again but not good because PMS sucks. :) So, in order to start "bumping things up" I walked my son to school this morning! It was sooo awesome! I loved the crisp air, pushing the stroller (for my 2 year old), watching my big boy walk in front of me... :) I am loving my new walking shoes and plan to use them everyday!

I have a friend from church who walks her daughter to school and we are going to walk together every morning. Tomorrow my oldest daughter gets to play with the local high school marching band during the half time show (she is in 7th grade band) so I plan to wear my awesome shoes tomorrow night to help me navigate the large football stadium. I am a freak for pictures so I will no doubt be running all over the place trying to get the best shot of her on the field. I am excited that I get to go and watch her do something she enjoys so much. I am so glad that she gets a mom who is able to attend instead of the old mom who would have had to stay home.

On another note, I took this pic as we were walking out to the van to go to church on Sunday. My 5 year old LOVES to "help" my 2 year old and he is always looking out for her. I love how close they are. :)

You realize how fat you still really are when...

you go shopping for a Halloween costume. I am still to "fat" to buy a costume from a store. (the plus sizes only go up to 22/24 and although I am in a size 20 in regular clothes, I am convinced the costume "plus sizes" are more like 14's. :) A let down for sure. I was really hoping that this year I didn't have to dress in all black and throw a witch hat on and call it a costume, but it looks like I do have another year of that. :( I am trying not to focus on this, but I admit it stings.

So awesome!

Yesterday I went walking with a couple of other music class moms! (our toddlers are in the class) Not only did I walk, I walked for over a mile!!!! I warned them that I may not make it more than a block because I have not gone on a walk in over 2 years. To top it off, I wore new tennis shoes (I have worn sandals only for about 2 1/2 years because I could not bend over enough to tie shoes, I wore them even in the snow!) And to extra top it off, I didn't have to put my foot on a chair, or rest my foot on my knee in order to tie them: I could do it by bending over! :) I took a pic to prove it! lol

You may notice I have new music playing... :) Are you ready? :)

So I am still stalled and have been for a couple of weeks now. What really helps me get through these times are focusing on all the great new things I can do. Tonight I am going out with girlfriends to celebrate a birthday. We are going to a downtown area known for walking around and 6 months ago I would have had to pass on the invite as I have done for YEARS. No more! :)

If things gross you out, DON'T look at this pic

It seems my body is not absorbing the internal stitches as it should so one of them started coming out of my stomach! It is the same incision that keeps bleeding and this weekend I looked down and it looked like part of a band-aid was stuck on there and as I pulled a string came out! Then, it stopped and pulled the crap out of my insides! I try to pull it out but you can feel where it is stitched inside my body and causes my entire stomach to lift when I pull. I will see the dr this week. Yuck!